White with envy

I'm running a bit late, I know. But I just got a chance to read about the MacWorld Expo. MacBook Pro? An Intel iMac 20"?

The onlything missing is a built-in Windows emulator. VMWare, are you listening?

Excuse me while I cry like a little child because I can't afford one.

Sizing problems

After Christmas, Milady and I started back on the Atkins induction diet, and the weight is starting to leave. I was hoping to have a problem keeping my pants on sometime in February. Unfortunately, it's not my clothes that won't fit.

We went really cheap in buying our current couch (which is really more of a love seat). Three of us can barely fit on it. Since we know that our tax refunds will be substantial, I decided to end the couch whining and buy a new couch.

Over to the local furniture store for their half-price sale. In the middle of the store is a really nice sectional couch. The thing was huge. It could easily have sat nine people, and all of us could comfortably lay down on it at once. Very nice. So we signed on the dotted line, and were anxiously awaiting it.

It's raining today, but they wrap them in plastic, so I wasn't that worried. Then Milady called. The couch wouldn't fit through the doors in the house.

I've never heard of a couch that couldn't be taken through a standard 32" or 36" doorframe, but this one couldn't. The delivery guys worked their hardest to bring it through, but no luck. Fortunately, it was the store's people, so we never took delivery. We now have to take measurements of the house back over to the store to see if we can get a different couch to fit the place, or if we're back to the love seat....

Merry Christmas

It happened, while they were there, that the day had come that she should give birth. She brought forth her firstborn son, and she wrapped him in bands of cloth, and laid him in a feeding trough, because there was no room for them in the inn. There were shepherds in the same country staying in the field, and keeping watch by night over their flock. Behold, an angel of the Lord stood by them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. The angel said to them, “Don’t be afraid, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be to all the people. For there is born to you, this day, in the city of David, a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. This is the sign to you: you will find a baby wrapped in strips of cloth, lying in a feeding trough.”

Suddenly, there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly army praising God, and saying,

“Glory to God in the highest,

on earth peace, good will toward men.”

It happened, when the angels went away from them into the sky, that the shepherds said one to another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem, now, and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has made known to us.” They came with haste, and found both Mary and Joseph, and the baby was lying in the feeding trough. When they saw it, they publicized widely the saying which was spoken to them about this child. All who heard it wondered at the things which were spoken to them by the shepherds. But Mary kept all these sayings, pondering them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, just as it was told them.

When eight days were fulfilled for the circumcision of the child, his name was called Jesus, which was given by the angel before he was conceived in the womb.

Luke 2:1-21, World English Bible translation.

Admitting tasteless faults

This isn't an easy post to write. The Lord has been working on me for some time to talk about this, and I've always found some excuse not to post about it. He didn't like that, though, and has convinced me over the last few days that I needed to post about my troubles here.

I am addicted to pornography. Since starting college, this has manifested itself in an addition to porn on the Internet.

(I'm going to take the rest of this to the extended body, in case you don't want to read the details)

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Fathers, it is incredibly important that you have no access to any porn within your house, either on your computers or in printed material. My experience mirrors every other male porn addict I've heard about: I had access to pornographic materials when I was 11 or 12 (certainly early enough that I wasn't even aware of sexuality). Not to attempt to deflect blame, but there seems to be something about exposing a boy to porn in early puberty that makes developing a porn addiction easier later.

In college, I had access to Porn on Usenet, and then many of the free web sites that exist on the network. Access to high-speed Internet didn't enable my addiction, it simply made it easier to get.

As an addiction, it did grow until it impacted my relationship with my family and especially my wife. I know it has hurt her and made her insecure in our marriage, and no matter how much I have asked her for her forgiveness and how much she has extended it, I know that this stain will never quite wash out.

Finally, the Lord worked on my heart to convict me that my behavior is wrong. I admitted to Milady that I was looking at the porn. Our marriage was strained, but she felt led to forgive me. I thank the Lord every day that she has forgiven me, and that He has forgiven me as well.

Just like Paul's thorn in the side, the Lord hasn't completely removed this addition from me. I still have urges to use porn, and will until the Lord chooses to completely remove it. I haven't had a personal accountability partner, which was (and still is) a mistake. What is worse is that I am succeptable to pseudo-porn outlets like Stuff, etc., and I see how close to porn they really are. Sometimes, the Lord lets me keep this thorn as a way to humble me, so that I am aware of my own sinfulness still. This is, of course, no excuse on my part, and is not meant to be, but if you're in the same situation, please know that prayer and working in the Word will help you too.

I am even more scared by the trash-girl industry being inspired by the pseudo-porn and porn industries. Women like Brittney Spears have inspired girls fashions that look like trash. Dolls like the Bratz dress like prostitutes, and Milady has to buy Little Miss (at 6 years old) boy's clothing at times because some girls clothes sling too low or are too exposing.

If you are fighting problems with pornography, go to someone in your church or a local Promise Keepers for help. Go to xxxchurch.com for other links. Stay away from porn and the pseudo-porn that is currently marketed as "Men's Entertainment". Stand against the selling of porn and pseudo-porn in your local stores.

Most of all, Christian men, you need to provide an example to your son to stay away from Porn and the pseudo-porn trash currently being produced. Tteach your daughters to have enough respect for themselves to stay away from the porn and the pseudo-porn industry, and their trash-girl image offspring. Teach them modesty, and have them cover themselves in modest, decent clothing. It isn't "empowering" to teach your girls to dress like sluts, or to let your boys look at girls who are dressed like sluts.

I could complain

It's been a busy 8 days. Last Tuesday, the bathroom almost burned down, as I mentioned in the last post. On the way home from work Thursday, I couldn't tell that the Mercedes in front of me was stopped, and I locked the brakes on the poor Saturn up trying to stop. The Saturn nosed-down, so all I did to him was scrape the bumper, but the Saturn lost the hood, hood latch, and about $1000 more damage. I do have comprehensive on it still, but that's $500 deductable and yet another wreck on my list (you know it's bad when Geico wants to raise your insurance by $75 a month....). Little Miss is (I think) reliving her seperation from us last year, and now takes a crying fit every time I tell her no. Yesterday evening, the toilet in the bathroom that I'd just put laminate in a couple of months ago started leaking again, requiring me to start pulling the toilet out at 7PM, and pull the laminate out at 9 (I'd botched the cut-out around the toilet enough that it just wasn't worth saving). My wreck has cost us the money we'd have used to go to Gatlinburg after Christmas, and instead I'll probably be laying the laminate in our bedroom the week after Christmas. And let's not even talk about the Christmas present bill. I really could complain.

But I'm not complaining at all. It's not always easy, but I do know that God is still in control. This week last year, Number 1 Son was laying in the hospital with a heart rate over 175 while the doctors rushed to get a second chest tube in him to drain the pneumonia that almost gave him Congestive Heart Failure. Last year, we spent 5 weeks waiting for the Lord to use a surgeon to heal the remaining half of his right lung. Last year, I was trying to keep a new job and having to work days at the job and spend nights at the hospital so that I could measure out the few sick days I had stored up & not have to go to unpaid days (which we couldn't afford).

This year, I have my family home for Christmas. This year, we're all reasonably healthy, blessed with riches that most people in the world couldn't dream of possessing. We have been able to participate in a couple of ministries to help others. We can go to both sides of the family, and celebrate Christmas together. This year, Little Miss has been baptised, meaning that I can know my entire family is saved.

It is a good Christmas, you know.

A prayer of thanksgiving

It's not the least unusual for my dog to want to get up in the middle of the night and go out and pee, so I didn't think much when I got up to let him out this morning. Until I came downstairs and smelled smoke. Even as asleep as I was, I knew that this wasn't good.

We got downstairs, and I could tell it was coming from the bathroom. Our downstairs faucet isn't well-insulated, so it can occasionally freeze in 15 degree weather (like tonight). I'd turned on a heat lamp. That heat lamp had fallen off the clip, and was proceeding to scorch its way through the bottom of the sink cabinet.

I grabbed the plug to the heat lamp, and pulled it so hard the lamp flew back out of the cabinet, causing it to burst the filament (i.e. nice flash, no damage). There's now a two-inch wide scorched wood mark in the bottom of the cabinet. It's solely God's hand of protection that the cabinet didn't burst into flames.

There really wasn't even any smoke downstairs, so <mumble> even if I'd had the smoke detector working downstairs</mumble> it wouldn't have helped. I'm just glad that the dog had to go.

The silence isn't intentional

I'm not meaning to be quiet, I am just still working on my Hebrew manuscript, as well as mulling over whether it's worth collecting my 1990s era writings together for a book. Lulu makes the printing of the book cheap, I just doubt anyone would buy it once I'd bothered to collect the thing...

Anyone willing to spend $2-$3 for an electronic copy of my 1991 & 1992 newspaper articles, with commentary added for value? :)

Needless to say, the projects that might possibly bring in real money are overriding blogging. I'm hoping that will change tomorrow, but I thought that last week too.

One thing that's too disturbing for 4AM

We broke down and got the evil talking box: i.e. cable is back. I've already practiced mandolin instead of listening to Cutie-Pie and Holmes talk at their guests.

This morning, I got paged to fix some broken backups. Now that something is actually on, I turned on the tube & flipped past MTV. I saw the very end of one of those "no out of pocket" mobility scooter commercials.

I'm impressed. I knew MTV was branching out to fans who don't care if they ever see a music video, but I didn't realize that it included the older set.

Have a blessed Thanksgiving day

May the Lord God of Israel bless you and yours on this and throughout the coming year.

Please take a moment to thank God for every blessing that He has given to you over the last year, and to thank Him in advance for the blessings of the year to come.

An apology, and a note of back to the future

It seems that "Open Source Media" has brought out some of the worst in the Blogosphere. It's been enough to upset LaShawn Barber, as she posts in this article. I've gone back to my article, and I am not proud of the entire article, and that's bad.

First, no matter how much I agree or disagree, there's no reason to call Richard Stallman a "nutjob". That sets the wrong tone. Richard, if you ever read this, I apologize.

Also, I said that the OSM crew "have decided to freeload". That wording was wrong. I wouldn't like to be told that I was freeloading, and I would take it personally. It is OK, and at times good, to disagree, but it is never OK to be disagreeable. I am sorry I was that confrontational.

I always hate it when people tell me "I'm sorry, but", because it seems they're not sorry. Well, I AM sorry, but... I am glad that OSM has decided to return to the Pajama Media name. Charles and Roger document all of the good arguments against OSM, including the probable forcing issue that there already WAS an Open Source Media. Guys, you should consider outing your name brand people, or at least get a full refund. It's the cardnial sin of branders to give you a name easily found in Google.

I am glad that Pajama Media has settled things out, and I wish everyone involved the greatest of success.

OSM - Not "Open Source"

t's hard to miss everyone talking about "Open Source Media". LaShawn Barber is near-live blogging the event. Then Jeff over at The Shape of Days posted an objection to OSM, Buzzword foul with extra penalties for vapidness. I was going to keep quiet about PJ Media, but then the name change cought my eye. I too am glad OSM exists, but their new name is wrong.

In May 2005, I decided to follow the invitation of some of my fellow bloggers who knew more than I (not to mention had a lot more traffic), and sign up for this neat offer to be first in a new group of bloggers. It seemed that these bloggers were going to set up a group to farm out ads, and collect blog content for wider distribution. A little extra money for the ADSL line is always good, and wider distibution would be nice too. Then I got this not-so-neat non-disclosure form in the mail. In return for the possibility of a minor income, PJMedia wanted permission to sue me in another state (I think New York, but don't hold me to it) for uncapped damages if I even accidentally leaked some information that causedthem any harm.

I don't think so. My NDA with my first post-college employer wasn't that bad. I told the nice person from PJ Media that I couldn't sign their NDA, and that if that was enough to keep me out, then that was fine. I would do a "Scout's Honor" that I wouldn't say anything, and was willing to sign all the rest of their papers. She talked to her superiors, and said that that was OK. I was surprised, but glad to be able to stay in the project.

Several months passed quietly. I'm passing up at least $0.50 worth of Amazon.com and Google Ads revenue waiting for PJ Media to get off their duff and do something. I finally get a ping from them, but by that time I was barely even putting out content. PJ Media was so low on my radar that I decided it wasn't worth it. I just ignored the PJ Media email and let my exclusive lock-in offer with them expire.

Now PJ Media is "Open Source Media", and I am glad I didn't sign up. I have been a computer geek since the late 80s. I'm one of those kids who grew up dinking with sprites on the Commodore 64, and marveling about how you could tell this little box what to do and it'd do it. Then I went to college and discovered this wonderful system called UNIX. Whether you called it NeXTStep, SunOS 4, BSD, or even this fledging little toy called Linux, it was Good. I sat on the sidelines with my peers watching AT&T suing BSD Inc. and the University of California Berkeley to close the source on BSD, and Linux take off because of the lawsuit. I've used NetBSD ever since my Mac IIsi could run it, even having to have a terminal because the console code was broken.

I never cared a lot for the difference between "free software" or "open source". Stallman is too much of a nutjob for me to latch onto "free software", but both of these terms represent 30+ years of people like Stallman, the BSD crew, Donald Knuth, and many others believing that basic computer programming infrastructure needs to be reusable by all. The code is "free" (however you like to mean "gratis") because people have given to us so that we didn't have to redo it, and it would be a shame for us to make others redo what we've had to do.

Now, a group of bloggers have decided to freeload on that tradition by calling themselves Open Source Media. They may be using Open Source software (but hardly all - many of the blogging packages aren't Open Source), but that makes us no more Open Source than brushing with Crest makes me Proctor and Gamble.

Other people want to make money off their content, either through ads or by selling some articles. That's fine, I like making money. I'm hoping my current manuscript idea will make some, which is why I've been working on it and not this blog. I'm sure that Charles, Roger, and the rest of the OSM crew desire to make a little bit off their writing too, and that's just fine.

OSM is (appearantly) about making some people who wouldn't otherwise have access to money and a market have that access. That is all good, in of itself. Those of you who have stuck around are seeing my work free of charge, thanks in no small part to Open Source software. However, I am a greedy idea sharer- you may read it, but you can't do what you want with it. You can't reprint my story for a profit. I can't take Power Line or LaShawn Barber's content and do anything I want with it. That's not the blogger way.

The Blogger world is not Open Source. We don't take text and do anything we want with it. Bloggers are more like academics. We cross-link, we attribute, we even heckle, but we never beg, borrow, or "steal". Our work ISN'T free speech like Richard Stallman says, it's just free beer.

I am glad that OSM exists. It's just not Open Source. And I won't be a part of it as long as it tries to say it is.

Where's my towel?

We just got done watching one of the best movies of the year: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Yes, it's not the book. Yes, it's not the best version of the movie, and they drop as many threads as they wrap up. And they don't say the question(*). That's unforgivable.

However, people who deified Douglas Adams have forgotten one thing: he was a hack. He could only write really well when he was broke enough to have no choice. The fourth book of the H2G2 trilogy wasn't great, and the so-called 5th book of the trilogy (*gag* Mostly Harmless) isn't fit to line my cockatiel's bird cage (Sunshine might actually read the pages...). Terry Jones had to write "Douglas Adams' Starship Titanic". Adams isn't Shakespeare.

If you keep that in mind, the movie really fits the tradition. It stands on its own, but helps to know the backstory. I wish they had carried through with the Question, but they simply didn't have enough time. But I really cared about the silly everyman who was losing his home, his planet, yet wasn't losing himself. I may want to be Kirk, Spock, or Obi-Wan, but down in my heart, I know I'd probably be Arthur Dent, and if you think about it, so do you.

I'd rather watch H2G2 a hundred times than watch Star Wars Episodes 1 through 3 one more time.

(*) What is six multiplied by nine? Forty-two.

Yes, it works.

Request for a prayer of healing for minor illnesses

Last week, the Packrat family spent pretty much all week fighting some head cold bug. I spent a couple of days wanting to sleep, and Milady spent a day down herself. This weekend, we got healthy but I beat my hands up putting in the laminate floor in the upstairs hallway.

Today, I had a free coupon for 2 hot dogs at Speedway, and I felt like getting out of the office for lunch. I made my way over to the Speedway on Limestone. When I was in college, it was still a SuperAmerica, and they fixed real cooked meals for lunch. At least twice a week, I'd grab a barbeque pork sandwich & mac and cheese lunch box on the way to class. They finally closed the lunch counter when the chain got out of the cooking business. That was a depressing day.

Appearantly, you can't go home again. About 3PM, I started seeing wavy sparkles, even when I shut my eyes. Migraine. Fortunately, it wasn't a serious one, but it was the most serious migraine I'd had in almost 10 years. The hot dog must have been high in MSG or some other preservative, since the moment I'd voided the last of the dog, the symptoms started to fade out. I had wondered if my MSG allergy was fading, but I guess not.

If everyone could pray for us, I'd appreciate it. We need a healthy week at least. :)

Packrat's Movie Picks of the Week

Last week, we went to see Sky High, per Number 1 Son's request. I figured that the large bag of popcorn with unlimited refills would have to help me through another disaster like Shark Boy and Lava Girl, but I was wrong.

Sky High is a very good movie. Yes, every comic book hero cliche comes up, but rather than being stupid, the writers made it seem realistic. Instead of taking opportunities to be cynical or negative, Sky High is a positive story about a family and a group of "uncool" kids in high school.

We also bought Batman Begins in Wal-Mart. Milady and Number 1 Son had seen it in the full-price theatre earlier in the year, but I hadn't seen it. I thought the first Batman movie was pretty good, but the rest of the 4 were mediocre at best. Batman Begins is good. It's not exceptionally violent or dark, but it is Batman so that's not saying a lot.

Next trip to the theatre: Little Miss' pick, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I'm putting back $6 for the next bottomless bag of popcorn...

Christian Carnival LXVIII

Sven has done the incredibly challenging but enjoyable job of gathering the Christian Carnival together this week. Go take a look.

Being made humble

This weekend humbled me twice over.

We went on a Boy Scout campout for Number One Son this weekend. Fortunately, we've got camping down to a fine art now, so we were completely set up within 2 hours of being there. Since we wimpy-camp, the kids were on cloth cots, Milady was on a fold-out cot, and I was on a portable MASH-style hospital bed. Very nice! (Milady's hospital bed had a blowout - ripped canvas - so she had to "fall back" to the fold-out cot.)

Saturday, we went on a three mile hike up and back down a big hill. In our pack, one of the scouts was born without either leg just above the knee, and weakness in both hands. Even so, he led the way. The rope bridge didn't bother him a bit, we only had to help him place his feet since he couldn't feel the rope. He then proceeded to wear the rest of us out, needing only a few minor rest breaks.

Then, today, I baptised Little Miss. Milady homeschools the little darlings, and part of our A Beka curriculum teaches about the Bible. Little Miss at 6 knows more facts about the Biblical characters than me (her brother can debate theological theory already, and he's 9). She's been talking about being baptised for a while, but today was the first opportunity for us to get everyone in the family into town to see her. Just like her brother, she wore the Noah's Ark t-shirt Milady was baptised in, and again like her brother I baptised her after the minister took her confession of faith.

Sometimes the Lord uses the most amazing ways to humble us.

This is why we had kids when we did

When Milady and I first got married, I was 22. Some might call me young, but I simply knew what we wanted: kids while we were young enough to enjoy them. Number 1 Son was conceived just before I turned 23, before I even had a full-time job (but that's another story). Little Miss was a bit earlier than expected, born a few months before I turned 27.

We were somewhat limited in that Milady is 8.5 years older than I am, and we didn't want to risk her health by her waiting any longer. However, we could have waited and adopted instead, and gotten a few years together instead.

A reader of Vox Populi puts it a LOT better than I ever could here. TW is 29 year old lady who just had child number 2:

As an engineer, I found it amazing that my male coworkers were in general supportive when I had my daughter 3 years ago. My female coworkers, however, tended to say I was too young; shouldn’t I get more established in my career first? I retorted that they were 5-15 years older and didn’t have children. I would be working for another 50 years given our Social Security mess. I wanted children. I had 1-2 decades for childbearing and 5-6 decades left for career goals.

I'm now 31. My son is 9, my daughter is 6. Lord willing, my wife and I can look forward to at least 30, and possibly 50 or more, healthy years with our family. I will have to work at least 20 years after my kids enter college no matter what, why would I pass up the time I have now for years without them?

Buyer's Remorse

I said I was going to stay out of politics. Sorry. I'll be happy to refund what you've paid me to read this blog... ;)

I voted for George W. Bush in 2004 because I thought he wouldn't be as big government as John Kerry, and that he would nominate Constitutionalist judges. Instead, Mr. Bush has been a statist who is appointing people based solely on personal connections.

John Roberts certainly has the qualifications to be a Supreme Court Justice, even if we don't know if he's another Scalia, Souter, or Renquist. He's clerked for the Supreme Court, and he's argued in front of it multiple times. I'm not happy with a stealth judge, but at least he's not unworkable. I could stand him as an appointee from a Democratic president.

Ms. Miers is a different story. She's a trial lawyer. She's had a diverse client list, and she's been the president of a bar association. She is also appearantly a born-again Christian. And that's it. No academic experience. No clerking for any judge, much less for any high courts.

I am disappointed that Mr. Bush has even nominated her, and I wish she'd just drop out right now.

Restarting

The great graduate school attempt has had to be ended. Last weekend, I had a large project due that I thought I could get done. Then I got called for work Friday morning at 2AM. Then again Saturday morning. Then Sunday Morning. By Sunday afternoon, I was so tired that I told Milady that I just couldn't think about the project, so we packed up and went to see my niece cheerlead for the local Little League Football team. Monday, I finally dropped all of my classes, bringing me out of school.

I haven't given up on either learning Hebrew or getting my MS in CS, I'm simply delaying both for a while. I've still got my Hebrew book, and I intend to study it regularly.

That said, I miss blogging. So, I'm starting again. I have a big article already in the oven, but it's a complicated logic argument that I want to make sure I make correctly.

For everyone still reading me, thanks for your patience.

So, am I wrong?

One of my little addictions is cards. I love strategy card games. I absolutely adore bridge, even if my wife refuses to be my partner because I get too serious about it. Spades is fun, and even hearts when played with good players. I've played Rook with my parents, and it was kinda fun, even if it felt a mix of Bridge, Hearts, and Spades for people afraid of those nasty, evil "regular" card decks. I even adore Uno, and would play it with the kids if they just were better losers.

There is one like line I won't cross: playing for money. I'll play poker for chips or pennies, but the thought of losing real money at poker, or any other card game, terrifies me. I'll pay to play in a Bridge tournament, but playing for money per points is just out. Number 1 Son likes to play poker with me (because he beats me more than I beat him), but he hasn't figured out why he doesn't want to involve real money in the transaction. Of course, I am the sucker, so why not? :)

So the Online Blogger Tournament at Pokerstars.com is throwing me for a loop. I enjoy playing fake games, and it's free. That said, playing a tournament for a gambling house is a bit different than playing at the ACBL nationals when they came through Cincinnatti.

I have registered for it, as the rest of this post will show. The question is this: is it wrong for me as a confessing Christian to play in this tournament? There's no money at stake, and I don't consider it gambling because, even if Number 1 Son helps me, there's no way I will win enough points to get to a price. I will just play so that Number 1 Son and I can sit beside the computer on tournament day and laugh over losing quickly to some other bloggers.

So why do I feel conflicted?

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I have registered to play in the
Online Poker Blogger Championship!

This event is powered by PokerStars.

Registration code: 1354560